As the scientist in him pondered this, he also looked inward. “I noticed them in myself, and lo and behold, I have them too,” he recalls.
The premise of the IFS model is that our minds are not one-dimensional. “We are all multiple beings,” says Schwartz. We all have multiple perspectives within ourselves. For example, people often identify in themselves as critics, worriers, or strivers. And while some parts tend to dominate our lives, other parts are more hidden. IFS teaches the process of accepting all parts of yourself, finding balance, and finding wholeness.
Partwork has exploded in popularity recently, with more books, apps, and social media accounts focusing on this system. There are currently over 6,000 IFS certified therapists and practitioners.
IFS is used by therapists who work with a variety of issues, from couples therapy to dealing with the death of a loved one and other traumas.
Some therapists say popularity outweighs scientific evidence and are calling for more research. There are some small studies showing that IFS is beneficial for people with certain problems, such as PTSD and stress symptoms. The pain, discomfort, and depression of living with rheumatoid arthritis. And depression. And more research is underway.
For Seth Copardo, parts work became the key to alleviating his anxiety as he began to realize that it stemmed from a childhood fear of feeling unloved.
Thanks to IFS, he was able to recognize the hurt child inside him and begin to unburden himself from the pain and shame.
“There’s a big difference between saying, ‘I’m anxiety and fear,’ and saying, ‘I’m here with fear, I’m here with anxiety,'” he says. And in that realization, his natural state of “confidence, courage, and compassion” resurfaced. “It’s like having a new operating system,” Kopald says.
So if you’re dealing with stress, like a relationship, tragedy, or other life challenges, you might want to learn more about how the parts work. This section explains how the IFS process works.
1. Quiet your mind and look within yourself.
One way to find out your part is to listen.
Sit quietly, as if meditating, and notice the bodily sensations that arise. Do you have neck pain, chest pain, or stomach pain? Can you see scenes or images from your past? The first thing that appears is the part that needs your attention. Focus on one sensation or image and ask what it wants you to know.
When Seth Copardo tried this, he felt his entire body tense up and images from old movies flashed into his mind. Scenes include bitter divorces and couples fighting over children. He was trying to get in touch with the more worrying parts that were controlling his life at the time.
2. Start interacting with the part
IFS has a rule that no part is defective. Each gives us useful information.
Copardo began to realize that her worries and anxieties were what the IFS calls “protectors” that helped her overcome difficult situations. “They wanted me to do something: come up with solutions to help kids,” he says.
But these parts were causing him so much anxiety that he was stuck.
Those who were concerned were telling him to “do something.” And some critics questioned what he had done to exacerbate the bad situation. And another part was jumping in trying to numb him from the pain.
These multiple parts work together, a pattern that can occur for many of us in moments of crisis. It’s like a loud instrument being played out of tune, Copardo said, citing a metaphor often used at IFS.
When you feel overwhelmed by the cacophony, try starting a dialogue with your part. “What do you want me to know?” What do you want to show me?
And the more you learn to manipulate your parts, Copardo says, the more you can begin to harmonize each instrument and become a leader or conductor.
3. Take up some space
IFS teaches you to “separate” from the noise of these competing components. Copardo recalls the moment she began to gain some perspective on her fears for her children, seeing them as just a small part of her life.
“When it really hit me that the anxiety I was feeling was just one side of me, not all of me, I felt this calmness come over me,” he said. I say.
This was the beginning of a breakthrough for him.
If you want to try this, ask the noisy person, “Could you give me some space to talk?” In Copardo’s case, she got to a place where she felt like she was sitting with the child and comforting her, instead of feeling like she was a scared, anxious child.
4. Dealing with pain from childhood
IFS teaches that we all have a part of us that is banished and clings to harmful memories from childhood. Because it’s easier to bury negative emotions than to deal with them, these outcasts, as the name suggests, can remain trapped deep within the psyche.
Dick Schwartz, founder of IFS, said the asylum part could be activated in difficult circumstances. But he says, “These are often the most sensitive and loving parts of us.”
As a child, Schwartz struggled in school, frustrating his father, a prominent physician and researcher. “So he piled on a lot of shame,” Schwartz says. He remembered his father saying things like, “Dickie, you’re of no use to me,” and the hurt was buried deep inside him.
He decided to relive those experiences from his childhood. “I was able to actually get in there and be with them,” Schwartz said. In doing so, he was able to feel what the IFS calls a “lightening of the burden,” as his disbelief, fear, and shame were lifted.
For Schwartz, this has opened up her playful inner child. “That was missing in my life before I actually unburdened that part,” he says.
This part may be difficult to do alone. Outcast sometimes takes you back to painful scenes and shows you traumatic memories. Copardo says if you feel the pain of exile, you can say, “I know you’re there. I’m not pushing you away.” You can ask them to share their stories. If this is too severe, you may want to contact an IFS therapist.
5. Make a U-turn
Copardo says her life is much better now. He has a loving relationship with his children and is remarried. Currently an IFS Certified Practitioner, he has written a book about IFS, Self-Led: Living a Connected Life With Yourself and With Others. However, he still has moments in his life when he feels very stressed or when too much is put on him. In such cases, he uses a technique called a U-turn. A U-turn is an exercise in gaining perspective.
If you find yourself engaging in negative self-talk or feeling like everything is falling apart, notice what’s going on inside of you and look inward. Mr. Copardo says he would ask himself, “Wait a minute, who is taking over for me now?”
In other words, observe what parts of yourself are causing anxiety, fear, and negativity. And you can say, “Okay, okay.” Can you believe I’m here? ” Copardo said.
6. Reveal your inner light
According to IFS, when we are no longer dominated by partial dissonance, our true selves begin to emerge.
In IFS, the Self is the parent or leader of your system, offering love and protection to all parts of you.
Seth says we can think of the self as the sun, a part of ourselves that is often obscured by clouds. Remember that even on cloudy days, the sun is always at full strength. So, like a cloud parting, we can “remove the light blocker,” Copardo says.
For Kopald, this was a game-changer. “I tend to live in light of myself,” he says. And he feels more clarity, compassion, creativity, and calmness.
