All the faces of my family appear in my early memories. When I had chickenpox when I was three years old, Tiamimi was the one who gave me warm oatmeal baths and gently applied Pepto-Bismol’s pink calamine lotion to my itchy arms and legs. did. When I was eight years old, I froze mid-jump on my bike and crashed hard onto the dusty road. It was my friend Alex who brushed the mud off my knees. My parent, Alex, was also the adult who picked me up from after-school care the day my mom went into labor with my baby brother. As I climbed into the back seat of his black Jeep, I momentarily missed my mother. But my fears disappeared when my husband turned the key in the ignition and the bass-heavy intro of the Beastie Boys’ Brass Monkey blared on the stereo. I knew I was with one of the safest people in my life.
The reason why in all my childhood stories and events big and small, various relatives, grandparents, and even cousins and cousins appear as guests is because when we were growing up, we lived in the same city and saw each other. Because I came. of. time. Great for holidays, birthdays, graduations, family barbecues, etc. On New Year’s Eve, we cleaned out the living room so there was enough space for all 40 of us to dance to Mana. And when one of our kids had a soccer game, I expected to see the whole family take over half the lawn with camping chairs and handmade signs.
When I got older and thought about going to college and building my own life, I had no intention of living close to my family. Yes, I experienced not only the advantages but also the disadvantages. Like everyone always knows my business and feels empowered to tell me about it. As an adult, I too have become more aware of the shortcomings and struggles of my relatives. It’s always an uncomfortable and sometimes hurtful revelation.
I moved to San Francisco for college. It was only an hour’s drive away, but it was far enough for me to see myself as more than just Janelie, the shy but sassy girl that Tia, Tios, and their cousins doted on. After graduation, even though I was interested in exploring new cities and new selves outside of California, I ended up moving back in with my parents to pay off my student loans. Every time I saw an Instagram photo of a childhood friend building a house in new condition, I felt a strange sense of envy and pride.
After I became pregnant with my daughter Ella, the idea of moving far away from home felt more realistic. After months of looking at Zillow listings to find what made the most sense for both my husband and I’s careers and finances, we had two choices. Try building a life in a midwestern state where you didn’t know anyone at all. Or you can settle in a small farming town an hour’s drive from your hometown.
Until that moment, I had always tried to choose the option that involved the most uncertainty and adventure. That obviously means out of state. But in the end, our decision became very clear. So here I am, three years later, far from that small farming town, listening to my mother-in-law coddle baby Emiliano and watching my father-in-law play with Ella in the backyard. My parents moved here a year after we moved and now live a 5 minute drive away. One of my favorite pastimes is running into them at my local coffee shop. I always look forward to Friday’s standing dinner date.
This Thanksgiving, I plan to drive an hour to my hometown, attend Thanksgiving lunch at my grandmother’s house, and then attend Thanksgiving dinner at my husband’s Nana’s house. And while I’m looking forward to eating a thick slice of my favorite pumpkin pie and watching Charlie Brown’s Thanksgiving, I watch all my friends smother both of my kids’ cheeks with kisses. I’m really looking forward to seeing that, and my boisterous Nick throws Ella up in the air. They are the people I feel most at ease with and I love how living near them has woven them into my daily life.
Janelle, her brother Jordan, and her cousin David.
what about you? Do you live near family? Or would you if you could?
PS Easy ways to bond with your family and where did you grow up?
(Photo courtesy of Modern Family)
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